In her new guest blog Chloe Metson talks of dealing with depression…
People often ask how I cope with having MS, and truth be told, it’s rarely the MS that is the problem. Of course, living with relapsing remitting MS can be extremely tough, what with it’s up and downs, but no, the thing I find hardest about living with MS is the depression.
MS and depression go hand in hand for a lot of patients. Whether it is caused from living with a highly stressful situation, or actually physically caused by the MS itself, for me it’s undoubtedly the most difficult thing to cope with. It consumes me, and I become a shadow of my former self. Usually happy-go-lucky, this change is particularly hard for family and friends.
If you’re lucky enough to have never experienced depression, let me try and explain what it feels like.
Depression is darkness and fear that is targeting you as a person, and as far as you’re concerned, no-one else. It becomes sort of a cloak that others can’t penetrate and you feel it protects you from others. It completely numbs you in such a way that the only emotions you are capable to feeling are the horrible ones, and the only thing that alleviates it is sleep when you can get a break from the aggression going on in your head.
I’ve been at that point where all hope is lost, because it takes over and consumes you, and it’s the hardest thing I have ever dealt with. It felt so tempting to take the option to give up on things completely, because it was so utterly exhausting having to battle it. But I fought on and came through the other side.
I’ve been living with MS and depression for 16 years now. I believe I’m over the worst of it as I have no trouble in focusing on the future and the positives of my life, thank goodness. MS throws up it’s challenges, but at least I feel like I can cope with them now. But how did I reach this point? Firstly I learnt to be kind to myself. I took the time to rest if I could, and did nice things for myself, even if they were only small. I stopped beating myself up over negative thoughts. Depression is an illness and it deserves the respect of one. If you had a broken leg you wouldn’t be reckless and run around on it, so I learnt to respect my mind and give it the space it deserves. I tried to focus on the positives and the little sparks of happiness in life. Most importantly I’ve been trying to talk about it, and accept help whenever I can, however hard that may be.
There is such a stigma in our society towards mental illness. Perhaps if we were less unsympathetic and ignorant towards it, it would give a sufferer more breathing space and the encouragement to find the strength to battle it and allow their true selves to ignite again. Depression can be fought, and you can win the war. I’m living proof that however bad things may seem, if you are patient, there can always be light at the end of the tunnel.
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